Coming of age

‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ (Greece, 3rd Century BC) has become a commonly used phrase, to mean that something considered beautiful is subjective, an opinion. As with all opinions, they can change. I am unsure if by common opinion I now appear more beautiful than in my earlier years, but I can say for certainty, I feel better about myself than I did 20 years ago. That is the interesting thing about confidence, it is an entirely personal attribute and though often judged from the outside, can only be formed in strength from the inside.

I always thought I was a confident person and would have used it as a term to describe myself, had anyone wished to know me better. I had been taught not to compare myself directly with others’ looks and if found myself doing so, to focus on my individuality instead. This message was consistently reinforced at home and within my social circle as a positive attribute; That my weirdness/uniqueness was what made me interesting – To aim to be a Shepherd and not a Sheep.

In my more recent journey to seek personal growth (through studying a Mindfulness Practitioner Mastery course and in writing my debut book) I have come to realise upon reflection, I had many issues with size, shape and weight when I was supposed to be enjoying the FREEDOM years of my life. Photographs evidence my previous desire to disguise my feminine form by often reverting to shapeless, fashion-less attire, which I now understand was a self-defence against failing the world expectation to meet standards of a beautiful woman. I would frequently reinvent myself with a change of hairstyle & colour, choice of accessories, but ultimately ignored the self-awareness I had regarding how I best presented my true self.

So, what am I going to do with this new-found wisdom? Now, I am doing more conscious thinking. I take the time to prepare my mind along with my body as I begin my day. I actively consider how I am feeling BEFORE I dress, to save on the Hollywood style costume change (which frankly just exhausts me). It is a deliberate act to keep from bending to the deeply seeded misinformation about fitting into any kind of labelled box – Forget square peg into a round hole and think more Shooting Star skipping across the Universe for no other reason than because it can. I still like to reinvent myself on occasion, but the process is now a natural transformation; a creative outlet for self-expression and exploration, a platform to announce my progression to the next milestone of my life. I will admit there are still moments when self-doubt will creep up on me, after all I am a human being! but they present the opportunity to remind me why I enjoy coaching others so much.

I am no longer so hung up on self-criticism but have learnt to love my body for what it is, 40 with all the signs of having lived a full life and turning heads on the days I feel good enough to wear a smile. 😊